Dear L
by VG Jekyll
Summary: Dear L, you totally suck. Sincerely, Kira. (set on Completed, for I haven't had any inspiration for this one in months. Guess it is time to move on. Sorry guys.)
1. Spam Mail

**Dear L,**

**you totally suck.**

**Sincerely,**

**Kira**

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_Likewise._

_L_

* * *

Hey L,

We just received a mail from Kira, saying we suck.  
Did you get one too?

Greetz,

M,M&N

* * *

_Dear Succesors,_

_I did._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**Kira is sending massive amounts of spam-mail around.  
Can you do anything about this?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I'm still suspecting you._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You're like a dog with a bone. Seriously, stop pointing at me and find the real Kira!  
Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Woef._

_L_

* * *

Hey L,

Kira just has send us a photo of a dog licking his XXX with your head on it.  
Mello thinks it is hillarious. I of course do not.

M,M&N

PS: Near is LYING! -M

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_How very suspicious that that while Raito was the one to compair me with a dog, Kira is the one who has send a photo of one to my successors._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**It's a coincidence.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_100%_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Prove it!**

**Raito**

* * *

Dear L,

Why did you just send a picture of Raito naked on bed to us and added Kira to the mailing list?  
Not that we are complaining or anything. Just curious.

Greetz,

M,M&N

* * *

**L,**

**You bastard**

* * *

_Dearest Watari,_

_I am out of cake.  
Help me?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I am very sorry, but it seems there are problems with the bakers in Japan.**

**Watari**

* * *

_Kira,_

_You did not just kill all the bakers._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I just heard the news on tv.**

**...**

**Mwhoehahahahahhaha!**

**Raito**

* * *

_Raito,_

_You will pay for this._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**It wasn' t me. It was Kira.**

**Raito**

* * *

ATTENTION  
Your e-mail is being returned to you because there was a problem with its delivery.  
The following addresses have permanent fatal errors.  
The reason your mail is being returned to you is listed below:  
Maillbox is full.

* * *

Hey L,

was it you who broadcasted worldwide photo's and film of Yagami Raito, along with his and Kira' s adresses?

M,M&N

* * *

_Dear Successors,_

_I don't think we have to worry about Kira anymore._

_L_

* * *

And that, my children is the power of the internet.

* * *

_**VGJekyll: **__Tuesday 6 October 2009 - Written at work because I was bored. Don't try to find logic, humor or a plot in it..._

**DEAR L **used to have a** French Translation,** but this one has been deleted in 2012 for reasons unknown to me._  
_

**DEAR L** has a** CHINESE TRANSLATION**. The Translation is done by **misskita.** They uploaded it on another site which you can find in my profile.

**DEAR L** is now also being translated into **POLISH**. The Translation is being done by **Yyellow** and is called 'Drogi L' and can also be found in my profile.


	2. Whipped Cream

Dear Ryuuzaki-san,

can you please ask Raito-kun to reply to my messages?

xxx

Misa-Misa

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Talk to Misa._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I don't want to. She's been annoying me about going on a date again and I really have no time for such frivolities while there are cases to be solved.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Misa-chan,_

_Raito-kun seems preoccupied with boring old cases._

_I am however very free. What about going to this new store together?  
It's called Sugar-Sweet and I'm sure you'll love it!_

_Ryuuzaki_

* * *

Dear Ryuuzaki-san,

I want to go on a date with my Raito-kun!  
Not with a pervert like you!

Misa-Misa

* * *

Raito-kun!

Please go out with me!

Pretty please with sugar on top!

xxx  
Misa-Misa

* * *

**Dear Misa,**

**No.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Please go to this new candy store with me!_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Okay, we can go in an hour.**

**Raito**

* * *

Ryuuzaki-san,

I hate you! You are trying to steal Raito-kun away from me!  
I saw you two near that candy store.  
Don't even think about turning Raito-kun gay!  
He likes me! Not you!

Misa-Misa

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I just received a message of Misa saying that you are trying to turn me gay.**

**... is this some evil plot to prove I'm Kira or something?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Thanks for buying me candy, I had no idea that I left my wallet home.  
Misa would not be complaining if you paid her more attention.  
Now I wonder: why does Raito-kun not like his extremely beautiful girlfriend?  
Might Misa-chan be on to something?  
L_

_ps: I gave up on the Kira-business _

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You will never give up Kira, I know it.**

**And neither will I. We will catch them together!**

**Raito  
**

**PS: Any inquieries about my sexuality shall be ignored**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I just dropped a lot of whipped cream on my chest._

_Please assist me in removing it._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**This won't work.**

**You are starting to get as annoying as Misa.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I liked you better before you lost your memories._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**What are you talking about?  
Raito**

* * *

_And we had such great times together..._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**What do you mean!?  
Stop messing around with me!  
Raito**

* * *

Dear L,

Please stop agonizing my son, he is honestly trying his best in assisting in the capture of Kira.  
Why are you trying to confuse him with strange questions? Are you still suspecting him?  
Also, Misa-san requested some alone time with Raito, please let them have a normal relationship.

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

_Dear Raito,  
Your girlfriend is a tattertale and you're a Daddy's Boy._

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll:** Wednesday 7 October 2009 – It was another boring day at work._


	3. Ipod

Dear L,

Why did you have to give Mello an Ipod for Christmas?  
He' s driving me insane! And he keeps singing:

'Gimme, gimme, World Domination!'

I tell you, he's going to be a bad guy when he's older.

Near

ps: thank you for giving me the 3D puzzles instead

* * *

Dear L,

Thank you for the Ipod!.

It's almost as awesome as chocolate.

Almost.

Mello

* * *

_Dear Near,  
I am starting to regret my generous gifts too.  
Raito keeps humming 'What if god was one of us.' _

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Did you already use the strawberry-flavored massage-oil?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,  
I ate it.  
L_

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_Why did you send your entire list of songs to Watari?  
L_

* * *

Dear L,

He asked for some music, so I gave it to him.  
Why didn' t you explain to him how to use his Ipod, when you gave it to him?

Mello

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_I was distracted with my own presents.  
L_

* * *

Dear L,

What did you get?

Mello

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_Candy.  
L_

* * *

Dear L,

Figures. I got a lot of chocolate.

Mello

* * *

Dear Ryuuzaki-san,

Would you happen to know why Raito-kun was singing 'I got the lollipop-porn-bitch' during our date?  
Misa-Misa

* * *

_Dear Misa-chan,_

_No idea._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Why is my keyboard all sticky?  
And it smells like strawberries.  
Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I have no idea, but Matsuda has been acting suspicious lately._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_There is something really disturbing about Wammy singing about World Domination._

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll**__: Thursday 8 October 2009 - I was listening to my music and singing along with [Ash - World Domination] and my co-workers kept telling me to shut up. Work was not really THAT boring today. I love Watari. And the thought of the DN-character's singing certain songs sure make me laugh, though I'm probably one of the few who finds it amusing._


	4. Marshmellows

_Dear All,_

_I had a very strange dream last night._

_A dream in which I was being slapped in the face with a fish and then shot by a canon into a pile of marshmellows._

_Maybe one of you has a clue about what it could have meant?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I think that the fish is a representation of your dislike for real food, since fish is very good for ones health, an thus you are being slapped violently with it in your face.  
You escape from it in your sweets, the marshmellows.  
**

**Raito**

* * *

L,

I say Kira poisoned your food.

Mello

* * *

L,

How can you dream when you never sleep?

Near

ps: I A M L = lol!

* * *

_Dear Near,_

_My supply of sweets ran out, so I could do nothing but succumb to slumber._

_L_

* * *

L,

Couldn't it just be that you want marshmellows?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt (and others),_

_Well done; you solved the case.  
You shall be the next L._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Please buy me marshmellows. 30 packets would be sufficient._

_L_

* * *

Wait, what?

Mello

* * *

**Dear Matt,**

**I hate you.  
Thanks to you, L now has filled up the bathtub with marshmellows and took a bath in the stuff.  
It is now sticky everywhere in the appartment. L even has the mess in his hair and keeps asking me to help him get it out.  
In the shower.  
With hate,**

**Raito**

* * *

Hold on, L! What did you mean?

Mello

* * *

L,

Hello? What did you mean about Matt? You were joking right?

Mello

* * *

L?

Mello

* * *

_**VGJekyll:**__ 9 october 2009 - Work was not boring at all today. Yet I couldn't keep myself from writing something, inspired by a review. Yum, marshmellows._


	5. Boredom

_Dear Raito,_

_I'm bored; entertain me!_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Go bother Watari at this time of the night.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_He is asleep.  
Raito-kun is not, thus it seems logical for Raito to come entertain me._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I've got college tomorrow, so find your own entertainment.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Even though Raito has college tomorrow, he is still online instead of sleeping.  
Could Raito be watching porn?_

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**Fuck off.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Do you have a 'little' problem?  
I could come and help you fix it._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**Just go order a hooker or something and leave me the hell alone.  
I am going to bed RIGHT NOW.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_You'll never get laid like this._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Matsuda-san,_

_Why are you online?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Oh hi L! I was just working on a case and I lost track of time. I kinda understand why you're so into sweets. I've been eating them non stop and it's really helping in staying awake! And I found this drink, Grenades or something, and it is so sweet that it feels like your teeth will jump out of your mouth, but it is so addictive. Talk about addictive, did you know that there were these boyscouts who were selling cookies with drugs in them? Well, of course you would, you're L. But I found out that my neighbor had bought some of them and never realized it! So this morning she offered me some cookies and I can't remember much besides pink tutu's and a big red ball. But anyway, tomorrow I'm going to um, I forgot what I was gonna write. Oh hey, I was making cookies, but don't worry; these are without anything in it. Well, they got rosains in them, and some with chocolate and I put apple in a few of them, you'd like them. I shall bring some tomorrow. No wait I can bring them right now. I'm just going to pop them out of the oven and then we can work together on the cases all night long! Doesn't that sound sweet!  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_I am going to bed.  
Goodnight._

_L_

_

* * *

_

_**VGJekyll:** Sathurday 10 october 2009 (somewhere after midnight) - Even though I was reading DN-fanfiction, I felt a bit bored so I had to write something. Perhaps I should've read Liz Yeriod's fanfic again instead...  
_


	6. Apple Pie

Dear L,

Here are the photo's of last Halloween.  
I know you won't give up the chance to get free candy, so what did you go as?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_I liked your costume, though Watari didn't understand why you were wearing your usual clothes until I pointed out your sign.  
A very inventive costume._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

What did you think of my costume?

Mello

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_You were very creative with blood, though I doubt Roger was very happy with it._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Well, it certainly beats Matt's costume! I mean, come on! Anyone can walk around with a sign saying: 'STREAKER ON STRIKE'.  
That's so lame!

Mello

* * *

Dear L,

You didn' t tell me as who or what you went.

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_I went as the Legendary Detective L.  
The suit itched though._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Near wishes to know what you made Raito wear.

Near & Matt

* * *

_Dear Near and Matt,_

_Very observant, Near. I made Raito go as my suspect Kira. People liked 'the added touch' of the handcuffs and chain between us.  
I heard some women say that if Kira were really as handsome as Raito-kun, they wouldn't mind dying by his hands.  
Sometimes I wonder why I even try..._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Raito must have been pissed off by that!  
Awesome move man.

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_He was actually very complient. It was suspicious, but I didn't notice any other strange behavior.  
I'm still watching him closely._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Did you throw away all those red apples? It's a shame if you throw away food, no matter how much you dislike it.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari, _

_I did not throw them away.  
Granted, I'd rather had gotten candy from the people instead of apples, but you cannot look a given horse in its mouth.  
I asked Raito, who claims he doesn't like apples very much, but did not throw them away._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Some apples dissapeared and Raito acted surprised, yet slightly disgruntled when I asked him about it.  
It is suspicious._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Could it be that Raito is doing something evil, like baking you a poisoned apple pie?

M,M&N

* * *

_Dear M,M&N,_

_Have you three been reading fairytales of Grimm again?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Watched movies. You gotta go along with time, L.

M,M&N

* * *

_Dear M,M&N,_

_... you might have been right. I just found a very delectable piece of apple pie waiting for me.  
I dare not eat it._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Are you trying to pison me?_

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**I am not Kira, get over yourself.**

**Raito**

* * *

Dear L,

THROW IT AWAY!

Mello

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_But it's apple pie!_

_L_

* * *

Just do it or die.

M,M&N

* * *

_Dear M,M&N,_

_I dared Matsuda to eat it.  
He ate it._

_L_

_ps: it seemed really tasty._

* * *

Dear L,

Keep us updated on his status.

M,M&N

* * *

Dear L,  
I felt bad about accusing you of throwing away the apples, so I bought you an apple pie as apology. I hope you enjoyed it.  
Watari

* * *

_M,M&N,_

_I am seriously annoyed right now.  
Do not contact me for a while._

_L_

* * *

**Dear M,M&N,**

**I heard everything...  
MWHOEAHAHHAHAHAHA! Suckers!**

**Raito**

* * *

Raito,

I KNEW it was an evil plot of you to make L mad at us!

Mello

* * *

Dear Doctor Haruka Nishikikōji,  
I just saw an apple float in front of me and then dissapear piece by piece as if being eaten by an invisible force.  
Therefore, I'd like to make an appoinment at your soonest convenience.  
Watari

* * *

_**VGJekyll: **Monday 12 October 2009 – Guess what, another boring day of work that was also slightly frustrating. Oh, and I don't have an idea about the 'dancing naked in the rain'-bit yet, but I'm quite certain it must be Mello._

_**Extra info**: Before you start asking me about what Near wore as costume; he didn't go trick or treating. Near didn't like the idea of being around many hyper children in costume, so he simply stayed at Wammy's to watch the all-night Horror-movie marathon. The next morning the other kids came to him with the candy they didn't want in trade for his help with their homework. Smart little brat.  
_


	7. Camera's

_Dear Raito,_

_How is your cold?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Fine.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Raito-kun doesn't look fine._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

Did you leave one of your hidden camera's in my room?

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_A few._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**You are a pervert.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_It takes one to know one._

L

* * *

_Raito,_

_What did you just do?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I found three of your camera's and flushed them.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Those were very expensive; you do realize you shall have to pay for them._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**With all the free peepshows you've gotten, I call it even.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Touché._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_We need to install a new camera's in Raito's room again._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

What about the microphones?  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_I can hear that Raito is currently throwing up his breakfast, so they are still good and working._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Thank you for improving the night-vision camera._

_It has given me a new perspective of my suspect._

_L_

* * *

**VGJekyll:** Tuesday 20 October 2009 - I was down with a cold for a few days. Went to FACTS(where you can buy movies, games, anime and other merchandise) in Belgium though, and met a few cool DN-cosplayers: Misa, Mello, Matt (& also a Roxas from Kingdom Hearts). Today at work I was still half-dead.


	8. Cherry Chocolates

_Dear Raito,_

_Thank you for the Cherry Chocolates. It was nice of you to give me a birthday present.  
How did you know that it was my birthday when I never mentioned it?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Watari clued me in when he went buying your Hershey Kisses Exta Royale.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_Thank you for the cake.  
_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
I thought it would be nice to give you something since you shared your apple pie with me last time!  
Never thought it would be your B-day actually. Why didn't you tell anyone?  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear M,M&N,_

_I am still angry._

_L_

* * *

Dear Watari,

Please talk to L and tell it was not our fault!  
It was Raito's Evil Plot to make L hate us!  
Mello is certain that Raito is planning to sever our connection, just so he can kill L and take over his place!

M,M&N

* * *

Dear M,M&N,  
That is a rather ludiculous theory, but I shall talk with L about forgiving you.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Please buy me some more of those Cherry Chocolates that Raito gave to me._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I love you._

_L_

* * *

Dear Raito  
Were you aware of the fact that there is actual Sherry in the Cherry Chocolates?  
Watari

* * *

**Dear Watari,**

**I am sorry, but I was not.  
I hardly eat sweets myself and didn't read the fine print.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Why won't you reply?  
Don't you love me back?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear Father,**

**Can you please inform the whole task force that L will be unable to work tomorrow.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_You love me, don't you?_

_L_

* * *

Dear Raito,

Why would that be?

Yagami Sochiro

* * *

Dear L,  
Sure I do! You're an awesome man to work under!  
Matsuda

* * *

**Dear Father,**

**L appears to be addicted to Cherry Chocolates.  
He's been eating them non-stop, no matter how much I warned him.  
He shall have a hangover from all the Sherry he's ingested.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Aiber,_

_I care a lot about you._

_L_

* * *

L,  
What the Hell is wrong with you?! Are you ill? Dying?  
Aiber

* * *

_Dear Aiber,_

_Please ignore the message from yesterday. I was not in my right mind._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L**

**Next time you're drunk, please refrain from molesting me.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I believe I was fighting with you, not molesting._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Tell that to the judge.**

**Raito  
**

* * *

_Is Raito-kun going to sue me?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**It's simply a saying.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Can I conclude from that, that Raito liked it?_

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**... I'm never giving you chocolate again.**

**Raito**

* * *

_**VGJekyll:**__ Friday 16 October 2009 - I've been ill for 3 days actuallly, but decided to go to work anyway. I am dead.  
Wednesday 20 October 2009 – I wrote this at work on Friday, but forgot all about it thanks to the the illness. So here it is.  
_


	9. Photo's

Dear Mello,

I am writing you only because Roger forced me to.  
He took away my puzzles because of you, you absolute prick.  
It was your own fault btw.  
You shouldn't say stuff and not expect anyone to retaliate!  
And you did as much as I did, if not more.  
But anyway, I want my stuff back.

So I'm sorry, okay!

Near

* * *

Dear Near,

I told Kira your FULL name and send him a complementory picture with it. Good luck with that asshole! Payback's a bitch isn't it!

Mello

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You need to have a serious talk with those three brat-succesors of yourse. So far they've all send me a picture of each other, including full names with the request to give each other rather violent deaths.  
Mello's desired death was in particular viscious. **

**Talk to them before they become criminals and I actually feel forced to kill them. **

**Kira**

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_I have spoken with all of them.  
My apologies for the inconvenience and please burn the pictures and forget their names.  
If they were to suddenly die, I would be rather dissapointed._

_L_

* * *

Dear Matt,

L said that you have send a picture of me and Near to Kira! Near, I can understand, but me too? What kind of sick back-stabbing bastard are you! I am so going to make you PAY!

Mello

* * *

Dear Mello,

Nothing personal, but with you two out of the way...

… I shall certainly be the next L.

:P

Matt

* * *

_**VGJekyll:** Thursday 22 October 2009 – Work was fun!_


	10. Cake

_Dear Raito,_

_I now know you are Kira 100%._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I don't care what you call me, I'm still taking your cake.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_That is definitely the sort of evil thing that Kira would do._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**No, this is something a friend would do.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Friends don't take things that are precious to others from them._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**They do when said friend has a cavity.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_It is not a cavity, it is simply gum disease. It will go away if I floss._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Did the dentist tell you that?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_No, I figured it out myself with deductive reasoning._

L

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Sure, use your detective expertise to find out if you have a cavity.  
And DO you floss?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Occasionally. _

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You should do it every day.  
And with the amount of sweets you ingest; you must brush your teeth at least trice a day!**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Raito-kun only brushes his teeth twice a day._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**And you only in the evening. You should do it in the mornings too.****  
Besides; I don't eat sweets.**

Raito

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Which is rather a shame, for Raito is not sweet at all._

_L_

* * *

**Sticks and stones, L.**

**Raito**

* * *

_My cake Raito._

_L_

* * *

**You'll get it back when you don't pull a face when trying to swallow something!**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Re-read your last statement._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You'll get your cake back, just... don't ever quote me on that or I'm gonna be sick from the mental image.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Any other comment right now would be overkill. Thanks for the cake!_

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll:**__ Thursday 29 Otober - I was ill again for about 5 days; I hope that's over now. I don't floss. I believe Raito is quoting L from somewhere in the manga. Raito probably has shiney teeth.  
_


	11. Confessing

Dear L  
This needs to be asked: L, do you have feelings for Yagami Raito?  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_You are worrying for nothing. My conduct has been part of my plan to make him confess. Usual strategies do not work on him, thus I have to use unconvential ways to startle him into confessing._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Please explain why sexual innuendo's would 'startle' Yagami Raito into confessing to you.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_My theory is that Raito-kun upon entering middle school, where his peers started to learn the first basics of the English language, was brutally made fun of because of his last name Yagami, which is read backwards 'Im a gay'. This caused him to be extremely sensitive of how other people percieve him and perhaps a bit testy when it comes to the word 'gay' in connection to him. Thus I am making him very uncomfortable and uncertain with the way I act. Hopefully he shall snap soon._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Anyone would become uncomfortable with that.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_But not anyone is Kira._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
As long as you remember to keep work and personal business seperate.  
Watari

_

* * *

  
_

Dear L,

You are so full of shit! Hahaha! Nice explanation to Watari, though interesting to notice you say only 'confess' and not 'confess he is Kira'!  
I think you could even talk yourself out of homicide if you wanted to!

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Fortunately I'm not inclined to become a murderer.  
I assume you hacked my e-mail inbox?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

You assume correctly.

Gee L, there are some steamy conversations between you and Raito there.  
Though Raito is playing hard to get, isn't he?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Kira is indeed hard to catch._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Hey, if you'd like to shag his brains out, I don't mind. But I can see why you'd like to keep it secret from Watari. Though he isn't as stern as Roger! I tell you when he caught me and Mello this one time, it looked like steam would come out of his ears! He even tried to put us in seperate rooms. Tried being the word.

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_No details please._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

I'm just saying, if you can make him 'confess' by using your body... GO FOR IT!

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

In the future, please refrain from giving me any kind of 'romantic' advice.

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I don't know if you have noticed, but Watari keeps giving me odd looks, then glances at you and shakes his head as if -well, I can't really explain his look. What is wrong with him?  
Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Don't worry about Watari.  
Come to my room right now. I need your assistance with solving a very complex problem._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I'm coming.**

**Raito**

* * *

_**VGJekyll:** Friday 30 October - The first words kids/teenagers usually learn of foreign languages are swear- & dirty words. I was bored out of my mind at work and typing too fast again while sneakily working on 'Dear L'; co-workers were asking me if I was writing a book or something. I pretended that my nose was bleeding and that I'm simply working very hard. Btw, Raito is already coming? O_o Dirty lil' thing, ain't he?_


	12. Generated Message

This is a standard generated message from Ryuzaki. I am currently unavailable, please read the following instructions carefully.  


* * *

_  
If you need me to solve a case: contact Watari.  
_

_If you have a tip or information about a case: contact Watari._

_If you are the police: contact Watari._

_If you are the FBI: contact Watari._

_If you are the CIA: contact Watari._

_If you are the President of the U.S.: You owe me._

_If this is the Queen: I'll still come to the tea party._

_If your name is Mary-Sue: stop trying to contact me._

_If you think you are Kira's next victim: too bad.  
_

_If you have cake for me: give it to Watari._

_If you are Kira: CONFESS!_

_If you wish to send me fan-mail: don't bother._

_If you want to send hate-mail: I concider it to be the same as fan-mail._

_If you are a criminal and want to confess your crimes: I'm sure there is a police station near by where you are._

_If you are my friend: CONFESS!_

_If you want me to send you a specific sort of chocolate for your B-day: contact Watari. (the same goes for computer games and puzzles.)_

_If you are Misa-Misa: the answer is and stays NO._

_If you know the question to the answer 42: so do I._

_If you want me to change the world: go watch a movie._

_If you think you are God; I am an atheist... CONFESS already Kira!_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: M**__onday 2 November - Sorry people, work wasn't really boring today. My favourite quote by L in one fanfic or another that I've forgotten the name of: 'If Kira is God, then L is atheist.'_


	13. Apples

_Dear Person who just send me a message with the picture of a red apple._

_How did you get my adress and who are you?_

_Ryuuzaki_

_

* * *

  
_

_**Dear L #######(Censored),  
You may call me Ryuuk.**_

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_Who told you my name?  
You are not Kira. You seem different from him.  
Who are you?_

L

* * *

_**I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares. I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair! I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus! I am the batteries that are not included! I am the secret center of a cherry candy-pop!**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

_Ryuuk,_

_You are Darkwing Duck?  
Somehow I really doubt that._

_L_

* * *

_**No I am simply bored. I am glad I found out what a great source of information and entertainment the internet is. Wish we had it back home, it sure beats playing dice all the time.**_

* * *

_Dear Ryuuk,_

_We have something in common as I find myself bored too._

_You must come from a rural area then._

_L_

* * *

_**You could call it that that. Dry and dusty place. Very boring. I like it here much better.**_

* * *

_Dear Ryuuk,_

_Can you tell me the reason for the apple?_

_L_

* * *

_**Simply spreading the love.**_

* * *

_Dear Ryuuk,_

_You are a 'reaper' then._

_L_

* * *

_**You are correct. I knew you were a very observant human. Kira would be very annoyed were he to know I was talking to you though. I wonder what interestings he would do if I told him. Ha Ha Ha.**_

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_Are you aware of the fact that you can stand trail for being an accomplice of the murderer Kira?_

L

* * *

_**Your human laws don't apply to me.**_

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_It seems you are under the delusion that you are not a humanbeing.  
Did Kira with his God-complex tell you this?_

_L_

* * *

_**You are starting to bore me. Perhaps I should start watching that series Heroes. People seem to enjoy it. **_

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_If it keeps you off the streets: go for it._

_Just so you know: I now DO know that beside the multiple Kira's, there must be serveral accomplices like you.  
And if my guess is right, it is you who is actually doing the murdering, while Kira gives the command._

L

* * *

**I wonder if things would have been more interesting if you had picked it up. Oh well, I will be _Seeing_ you around.**

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_What do you mean 'picked it up'? Picked what up?_

_L_

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_Answer me! Why did you write 'seeing' like that? Are you wtaching me? Did Kira tell you to?_

_L_

* * *

_Ryuuk,_

_I will find out who you are and you will face the same fate as Kira, mark my words._

_L_

* * *

**Dear Ryuuk,  
****Please stop adding apples to my mother's grocerylists. She's starting to become paranoid. If you want any apples, just steal them from L again or something like that.  
Raito**

* * *

_**VGJekyll:** Aw, I wanted to make Ryuuk call L by his full name, but that would be a big spoiler for some who didn't know it. Damn cencorship. Work has not been boring lately: they found a way to keep me occupied. Sorry people. I wrote this partly some weeks ago and since I'm feeling down in the dumps right now, I decided to finish it. It's not really to my liking though, but that's because in a conversation between L and Ryuuzaki I simply want to write a lot which could spoil the anime/manga for other people. So that I simply cannot do_.


	14. Lollipops

_Dear All,_

_Matsuda just said he was nearly dying with laughter.  
Perhaps it was Kira, we must watch him closely. _

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**Well sure. Go blame anything on Kira! **

**It's raining? Must be Kira.  
L lost all his lollipops? Kira must have been behind it.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

Kira stole my lollipops?

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**Be serious, what use would Kira have of lollipops?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Deprive me of the much needed sugars I can't work without._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You could buy new ones.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Raito,_

_I could die of loss of sugar in the time it takes me to buy them._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Somehow I seriously doubt that, knowing the amount of cakes you still have in the fridge.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Now I do wonder, remember all those apples that dissapeared some time ago? Could it have been Kira's doing?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I can figure from the quality of your questions that you really need your lollipops. I'll go out and buy them for you.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Raito-kun is such a good friend!_

_L_

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

Your plot worked: Raito is going to buy me lollipops.  
I'm sure I can make him go for more in the future and thus taking this of your work-load.

_L_

_

* * *

  
_

_**VGJekyll: 25 february 2010 – **This one was written on Tuesday 26 October 2009, when I was ill. On 18 december 2009 I lost my job and I am still searching. So I fear this might be the last 'Dear L' I'll write. But who knows, maybe I'll continue someday when I feel inspired, bored or ill again._


	15. Fanfic

Dear L,

It has been a while since I last wrote to you. I have a lot to inform you about.

For one thing, I got first place in the yearly What-Do-You-Brats-Think-You-Know-That-You-Really-Do-Know exams. (Mello was 3th place, Matt 9th)

Secondly: attached you will find a picture of Mello dancing naked in the rain. To make a terribly long story short: he was dared to do it. Roger was of course pissed off and Matt made some money by selling the photo's.

And also in the news: Mello has created a fanfic with the main characters being based on you and Raito. And Matt has a stick-people webcomic abouts us three catching Kira.

Just thought you'd like to know about that.

Near

* * *

_Dear Near,  
_

_I do hope you realise that if certain people find out that I am receiving photo's of naked, underage boys in my inbox, they are going to draw some very wrong conclusions._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

I didn't see you have any problems with sending around photos of Raito's naked butt to everyone.

Near

* * *

_Dear Near,_

_Raito-kun is not underage._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

The legal agelimit in Japan and Britain are different.  
While here it is 16 and older, the age of consent in Japan is 13, although the age of adulthood is considered 20.  
Besides that, I can't find any information about child porn being illigal in Japan.

Near

* * *

_Dear Near,_

_Why are we having a conversation about this?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Just making a point.

Near

* * *

_Dear Near,_

_Nevertheless, I am a British citizen, thus British rules would aply to me._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

No you're not.

Near

* * *

_Dear Near,_

_I beg your pardon?_

_L_

* * *

L!

Mello is writing fanfiction about you! AND putting it online! And the most surprising thing about it is that it's not that bad either!

Synopsis: The Legendary Detective L has a very hard case to crack. Not only is he unable to crack the code of the Secret Service Ultra Secret Files, he also is having problems with the Scottish Yard thinking HE is in fact the suspect. But help comes from an unsuspected corner as none other than Sherlock Holmes comes to aid him.

Matt

ps: He made Watson into a hot, blonde chick!

* * *

Dear L,

You're a French citizen, according to Roger.

Near

* * *

_Dear Near,_

_You must have heard wrong._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_Please send me a copy of your fanfic. I would like to read it._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Matt send me a photoshopped picture with my head on the body of a woman!  
Do you think I should contact Roger about this unruly behavior of his?  
And do you perhaps know what it is about?

Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_I received it too. It has to so with this fanfic of Mello. I'll let you read it when he has send it to me._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Matt told you about it? Great! Here it is!

Mello

* * *

**Dear L,**

**This HAS to stop! Why haven't you been working on you cases lately! All I ever see you do is reading stories online. We have a job to do here! Not to mention that you hooked Matsuda on it too!**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Please read the attached file._

_L_

* * *

Dear Yagami-san,

This fanfiction is like a virus and it is spreading. So far half the men are out of commision. L is barely spending any time on the case and the mentioning of 'Kira could be up and about, doing all sorts of nasty things' made him blush and actually giggle. I suspect he has found the online slash archives. Raito has started to write his own, though very gory fanfiction, in what I believe is the Care Bear fandom. Watari is also unapproachable.

I sincerely don't know what to do.

Mogi

* * *

Dear Mogi,

Get out of there a.s.a.p.! There is nothing you can do for them now!

We shall have to wait till they get tired of it. This could be weeks or months even.

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

_**VGJekyll: 2 april 2010** - Gods, I just can't stay away, can I? Btw, this must be the most random chapter of 'Dear L'! Hit me up with some idea's and I might use it in the e-mails. Still job-hunting!_


	16. Idea's

_Dear Watari,_

_My stomach hurts._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

What did you eat?

Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Seven pancakes, two cherry pies, several creme eggs, Turkish delight, cherry chocolates and a few popsickles._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Perhaps you ate too much sweets?

Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Impossible._

_L_

* * *

Hey L,

How do you eat your creme eggs?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Hacking my inbox again?_

_I usually bite off the tip and suck out all the creamey goodness._

_I then let the chocolate melt on my tongue before swallowing it._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

I am so using that in my fanfic!

Mello(& Matt)

* * *

_Dear M&M,_

_Please don't mention that word to me again._

_I thought you had finished that one already?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

I started a new one. This is one, in which the Great Detective L tries to seduce Kira into confessing he's a massmurderer(and that he's secretly in love with L, of course).

Mello

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_I see... and how exactly is it going?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

It is slowly starting to work!  
I have this awesome scene in which The Great Detective L gets both him as Kira covered with ice cream and they shower together.

It gets really steamy. ;p

Mello

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_Already tried it. _

_It doesn't work as well as in the movies or books._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Really? O_o

Mello & Matt

* * *

_Dear M&M,_

_What more idea's do you have?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Find attached a PDF with a list of idea's.

Mello & Matt

* * *

_Dear M&M,_

_I'll keep you updated._

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: ****27 May 2010** - I FOUND A JOB! I'm currently working at the Wax Museum Madame Tussauds in Amsterdam. Basically what I do is making sure the tourists have a great time and buy souvenirs of their visit. It's really fun and active, though no computer in sight. So this chapter was made on a day off and it's basically fanservice to myself. ^_^_


	17. Gummibears

_**Dear L,**_

_**You still suck badly.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Kira**_

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_Ditto._

_The difference between us is though, that you actually LIKE to suck._

_L_

* * *

_**Dear L,**_

_**Was that a sexual innuendo?**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Kira**_

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_Are there any other kind of innuendo's?_

_L_

* * *

**D_ear L,_**

_**Which makes me wonder, how would YOU know if I like to suck?**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Kira**_

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_I'm conducting a test. Please go to Raito-kun, ask him if he likes to top or bottom and wiggle your eyesbrows suggestively._

_I'd like you to report to me with his reaction a.s.a.p._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
I CANNOT DO THAT!  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_You shall do that, or I will tell people how exactely you came into the possesion of that pink thong._

_L_

* * *

L,  
DON'T TELL ANYONE!  
Okay! I will do it!  
He should be back from the candystore with your gummibears any time now.  
Matsuda

* * *

Dear L,  
Raito seemed horrified and disgusted at my suggestion.  
He now flees the room as soon as I enter.  
I hope you're happy! (This is SARCASM)  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_I was under the impression you didn't know what sarcasm was._

_Either way, in thanks for your cooperation, I'm willing to give you a gummibear._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Please remove Matsuda from the team!**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Under what reasons?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**He is sexually harrasing me.**

**Raito**

* * *

**L,**

**Nevermind my last message.  
I forgot that you are also one.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito_

_One what?_

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**Don't go there.  
And if you dare to answer with a 'go where', I'll strangle you with that pink thong of Matsuda's!**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_You knew about that?_

_You truely are a genius! If only you weren't Kira, you would've been a fabulous succesor of Detective L._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I'm still not Kira, sorry to dissapoint.**

**Raito**

* * *

D_ear Watari,_

_I found out that Kira seems unconcerned with heavilly loaded innuendo's, while Yagami Raito still has his severe reactions to even the most simple hints._

_This bothers me._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

So you came to the conclusion that they are two different people?

Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Au contraire. This shows how complex and cunning Raito truely is._

_Making him confess into being Kira is one of the hardest things I have ever faced._

_L_

_

* * *

_

_Dear Kira,_

_Would you turn yourself in if I offered you a gummibear?_

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll - 25 July 2010: **__When in doubt (or stuck); go back to the basics! My apologies to the people who now think 'Ew-Yuk-Gross-Gay-References-How-Disgusting. I happen to like it. And guess where Matsuda got the pink thong from! Your reviews all crack me up! Nothing makes me laugh as much, so I guess it's an equal trade! _


	18. 1337

D34R l,

k4N J00 UND3r574Nd 7H12?  
Wh M 1 54y1n9? 0f k0UrZ3 j00 K4n unD3r574nD 7h15! J00 r 73h 9r3 d373C71V3 l!

4nd 1N K4z3 J00 D0 n07... 7H3n 1 JU57 L057 50M3 r35p3c7 PH0R J00.

51nc3R3Ly,

M477

* * *

Deal L,

It is in your best interests to ignore all e-mail's that Matt sends from now on.  
He's into this dumb thing called net-speech and it's driving us mad!  
Try imagine him also spealking IRL like that!

**'Joo em three one one oo, double you age at sign one zee up!'**

ARGH!

Mello

* * *

_D3Ar MA77,_

_oF koUR53_

_L_

* * *

D3aR M3lL0,

_7HAnk J00 pH0R 73H wArniNg, 8u7 A 7Ru3 d373C7iv3 kN0w5 a80U7 all 7yP35 0f k0mmuNica7I0n._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Oh god! Not you TOO!  
You're on my ignore list now!

Mello

* * *

Dear L,  
Are you the cause of the ongoing leet-speech stand-off between Matt and Mello?  
The brats normally already get on my nerves, and now this too!  
Besides that, Near wished for me to tell you he has solved 9 of the 11 faux cases you've send to him.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_Which ones?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Case 2 to 6 and 8 to 11.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_I find that quite impossible._

_2 and 9 are actually real unsolved cases and case number 5 was an unprobable situation I found on the internet in the riddles section.  
How does he claim to have solved that one?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Near replied that it had something to do with an impropability drive, 6x9 and mice.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_Near is really impressive. If only he would be more social.  
He could be the perfect L._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
… you're just as unsociable as he is.  
You were actually even worse when you were his age.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_I beg to differ.  
And I'm actually a very sociable person. _

_L_

* * *

L,  
Sexually harrasing one Yagami Raito does not count as socialising.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_So, you've been talking with Watari.  
It is investigation, btw._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Sure it is...  
And a certain man called Matsuda doesn't wear red thongs.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_Even YOU know about that?  
What do you and Watari actually talk about?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Oh the usual. How annoying all you kids are, the weather, we place bets on when you'll get tired of chasing Yagami Raito.  
Roger

* * *

_Roger,_

_I'll never get tired of it!  
I mean, Raito IS Kira and I will reveal everything he has been hiding!  
_

_L_

* * *

Dear Watari,  
I think I accidentically gave L more fuel to feed his quest to, well, to do something to Yagami Raito.  
Roger

* * *

Dear Roger,

I noticed.

Yagami Raito did too.

I think I will have to receive his father again some time very soon and try to convince him that L is really not trying to defile his son.  
It will be hard to explain that hickey though.

Watari

* * *

|-|E|_|_0 |v|a++ a|\||) |v|e|_|_0,

_||_|5+ +0 |_E+ _|00 ||\|0\|/. _|00 (a|\| |\|e\/e.- 83AT |v|`/ 5|_||e.-10.- 5|1|_|_2.

|-|a.- |-|A.-

|\|EA.-

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Tuesday 19 August 2010 (end of the month is my B-day! Yay!)**__-I've tried to use ASCII Art and such in the e-mails several times, but the site just doesn't support that. Thus all those fails left me to write chapter 17. Then I decided, why not 1337 speech? I don't know if you all can understand it, and with no doubt you will have trouble with the last message (which is from Near btw). ^_^0 I seriously need new inspiration. _  
_ps: I found out why people had problems with Near's message. The site doesn't show the 'at sign'. -_- I changed it._


	19. Handcuffs

Dear L,  
I would like an explanation from you.  
And do not try to convince me it was for research only.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_I don't know what you're talking about._

_L_

* * *

L,  
Misa-san came to me this morning: she was quite hysterical.  
She claimed to have found you in bed, with Yagami Raito. Naked.  
And the handcuffs were used to chain him to the bed.  
Explain!  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

It wasn't me.

L

* * *

L,  
I won't buy that.  
Try again.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Do you have evidence of these supposed happenings?_

L

* * *

L,  
I have Misa-san's word.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Picture, or it didn't happen._

L

* * *

L,  
Oddly enough, the camera's in your room mysteriously malfunctioned during the night.  
You probably don't know anything about this either, do you?  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

Technology.

You can't trust it anymore these days.

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Wednesday 15 September 2010 **– This chapter was inspired by a reviewer of the French translation 'Cher L,'. 'Picture, or it didn't happen.' is something I get to hear a lot from a close friend of mine. I suspect it has something to do with WOW. And I could've(and was going to) add more e-mails to this chapter, but I realized that this was just perfect. More would've spoiled it; that's up to YOUR imagination.^_~_


	20. Pocky

_**Dearest Tou-chan,**_

_**How have you been? Are you eating well?  
Your father keeps asking after you, when will you come visit us again? It has been such a long time.  
And why don't you bring that lovely girlfriend of yours with you? Misa-chan isn't it? We'd love to meet her after hearing so much about her. You always sound so lovely-dovey on the phone when you talk about her. It reminds me of when your father was courting me. Those were lovely days.  
How is your work going? Did you get a salary raise yet? You seemed so sure you'd get it.  
Oh, and Mimi says hi and she misses you.**_

_**With Love,**_

_**Your Mother**_

* * *

_Dear Matsuda-san_

_You seem to have the wrong e-mail adress.  
I'll forward your letter to your son._

_Sincerely,_

_L_

* * *

_**Dear L,**_

_**Thank you so much dear.  
I'm still having a bit of trouble with using this internet. It's so complex.**_

_**Matsuda Sakurako**_

* * *

_Dear Matsuda(or should I call you Tou-chan?),_

_Attached you can find a letter from you mom. She has send it by accident to me.  
So... does Light-kun know you're dating his girlfriend?_

L

* * *

L,  
PLEASE DO NOT TELL LIGHT! PLEASE! Nor Misa-chan for that matter.  
They'd both kill me.  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear 'Tou-chan',_

_What is that particular information worth to you?_

L

_PS: Dream on about getting a salary-raise anytime soon. We are still near nowhere with catching Kira and without any results, no money!_

* * *

L,  
You're blackmailing me over this?  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear 'Tou-chan',_

_Well... yes._

_L_

* * *

L,  
What about daifuku cakes?  
Matsuda(stop using that other name!)

* * *

_Dear 'Tou-chan',_

_I accept your offer of daifuku in exchange for me to keep quiet about your faux-pas relationship with Misa-chan._

_I'll need a different offering for your name though._

_L_

* * *

L,  
You are evil.  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear 'Tou-chan',_

_Your point?_

Hm, maybe I'll accidentyly slip out your little nickname in front of our co-workers.

_L_

* * *

L,  
OKAY! A bag of pocky!  
That's at least 30 boxes of it. That has to be enough?  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear 'Tou-chan',_

_What taste?_

_L_

* * *

L  
Whatever you like! Strawberry? Chocolate?  
Just please... stop it.  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_Make it strawberry and you have a deal!_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Thank you!  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda-san,_

_This is the co-worker of your son again. I just have this small question._

_Do you know the origins of his pink thong?_

_Sincerely,_

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Sunday 26 September 2010** – I want pockey right now. And is it me, or is L getting remarkbly crafty and evil in his ways of getting his sugar-fix? I need some idea's people! Hit me up with some? Can be anything! Random words even like the title of the chapters! Wow, do I sound desperate...?_


	21. Facebook

Dear L,

Just a question, do you have facebook?

Misa-Misa

* * *

_Dear Misa-chan,_

_No.  
It is not a smart thing to distribute all your personal information for all to see on the internet._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

What do you mean?

Misa-Misa

* * *

_Dear Misa-chan,_

_I don't need to guess to know you have one yourself.  
What do you think all those people you call 'friends' are doing with all your information?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

It isn't that bad, is it?  
I mean, I'm already a celebrity; people already know a lot about me.

Misa-Misa

* * *

_Dear Misa-chan,_

_You put personal photo's on there?  
You DO realize what all those fanboys actually do while staring at your photo's?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Are you responsible for Misa's break-down?**

**I don't know what happened, but she started to cry, then yelled 'Only Raito-kun can do that!' and then spend the whole night behind her laptop. She had to cancel her show the next day because of the bags under her eyes.**

**She kinda looked like you.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I merely pointed out to her the dangers of the internet.  
By the way, do you have Facebook?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**No, I don't. Though Misa has been bothering me about it.**

**Sometimes I wonder why people are stupid enough to go to that site, knowing that Kira only needs to know their faces and names.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I'm wondering if I should get one myself._

_L_

* * *

**L,**

**You are kidding, right?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Maybe..._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_Do you have Facebook?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
Not anymore. You know, since I started working on the Kira investigation.  
It was kinda difficult to permanently delete my account though.  
Why are you asking?  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_Nevermind_

_L_

_ps: You owe me pocky, Tou-chan_

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Can you try to hack into a Facebook account for me?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L

Sure, whose?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Kira's._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

YOU'RE SERIOUS! He's got one?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_Yes, I investigated it and he does have one, though I cannot access it nor see much information._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Ok, done.  
Did you know he has over 9,000 friends?  
It's insanity!

Matt

**Attached information.**

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_I guess here you can use the phrase: 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'.  
Maybe they hope to be in his good grace like this.  
Or they are just plain stupid,_

_Most likely both._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

So, what are you gonna change?

Matt

* * *

_Dear Matt,_

_You'll find out soon._

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Saturday 6 November 2010**__ – I love the idea's and can use them in upcoming chapters. I am trying the 'Chatroom'-idea too, but doesn't this website have that amongst the things you can't publish? My friends kept bothering me about Facebook, so I finally have an account, which I barely use but oh well. They are happy now. About what L has done to Kira's Facebook, I was going to write it all down, but honestly... it was too much Frape. So, do you mind if I leave it up to your imagination? Or um...?  
_


	22. Chatroom

_You have just entered a group conversation.

* * *

_

**Matsuda Touta:** Finally you're here!

**Mogi Kanzo: **Apologies. I was helping Misa-chan.

**Ide Hideki:** I arranged this meeting in order to talk about L's manipulations.

**Yagami Soichiro**: Why hasn't my son been invited?

**Ide Hideki: ** Because he is currently sitting on L's lap and seems unable to leave.

**Yagami Soichiro: **WHAT!

**Ide Hideki: **In his defense, he did seem to struggle.

**Ide Hideki: **Somewhat.

**Matsuda Touta: **This is exactly what is wrong! Last time, L actually forced me to come onto Raito-kun, under the guise of investigation!

**Yagami Soichiro: **YOU did WHAT?

**Matsuda Touta: **I didn't want to!

**Matsuda Touta: **But L is blackmailing me!

**Ide Hideki: **You too? So that is what I'm talking about. Somehow, L gets everyone to do his bidding. And none of his requests are Kira-related.

**Mogi Kanzo: **It is annoying.

**Yagami Soichiro: **I can't stand it either. Instead of working on the case, he has me buying him cream puffs from a store 20 miles away.

**Ide Hideki**: How can we get him back?

**Ide Hideki**: I mean, without him retailing?

**Matsuda Touta**: Use Raito maybe? But how?

**Yagami Soichiro**: How can you even suggest using my son?

**Mogi Kanzo**: Do we have evidence of Nated-Gate?

**Matsuda Touta**: What?

**Mogi Kanzo**: It's a wordplay.

**Matsuda Touta**: Still don't understand.

**Mogi Kanzo**: American politics. Nevermind.

**Matsuda Touta**: So... how?

**Ide Hideki**: It must be untraceable. Can't do something that lets him know we did it.

**Mogi Kanzo**: Yeah, he has too much blackmail on us

**Yagami Soichiro**: you too?

**Mogi Kanzo: **Yeah.

**Matsuda Touta**: Maybe if we share our secrets, he can't hold them against us anymore?

**Mogi Kanzo: **Dream on.

**Ide Hideki**: Like I'd tell you that!

**Ide Hideki: **What about accusing L of eating the slice of Chocolate-Cream Pie that Matsuda was saving in the fridge?

**Matsuda Touta**: What cream pie?

**Ide Hideki: **The cream pie we are going to buy for this scheme.

**Mogi Kanzo: **thats a good one.

**Matsuda Touta**: And then?

**Mogi Kanzo: **Try a guilt trip?

**Yagami Soichiro**: Does he even have a conscious?

**Mogi Kanzo: **He must have.

**Ide Hideki: **Raito finally got off L's lap.

**Matsuda Touta: **And?

**Ide Hideki:**L is doubled over in pain.

**Yagami Soichiro**: Serves him right. He might be above me in rank, but if I get one serious complaint from my son, I will do something about his harassment.

**Ide Hideki: **Oh. Wow.

**Matsuda Touta**: What?

**Mogi Kanzo: **What happened?

**Yagami Soichiro**: What?

**Ide Hideki: **Raito returned with that whipped cream pie of L and just rubbed it into L's face.

**Ide Hideki: **He is now storming away, yelling something about... oh

**Yagami Soichiro: **What!

**Ide Hideki: **Um... I think it will be better if I leave the room.

**Yagami Soichiro: **What is going on?

**Ide Hideki: **Sir, I think you really don't want to know.

**Ide Hideki: **I'm leaving now. We'll talk about our plan later!

**Yagami Soichiro: **NO! TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING!

_Ide Hideki has left the chatroom._

**Yagami Soichiro: **Dammit!

**Mogi Kanzo: **That's my cue to leave too.

_Mogi Kanzo has left the chatroom. _

**Matsuda Touta: **So um...

_Yagami Soichiro has left the chatroom._**  
**

**Matsuda Touta**: … why am I always the only one left?

**DarkStalker666: **You're not alone.

**Matsuda Touta**: Who the hell are you? When did you get here?

**DarkStalker666: **I've been here even before you all entered. You just didn't notice me. But I'm used to that. I'm always hanging around, yet no one notices me. I'm invisible.

**Matsuda Touta**: Aw, don't say that. I'm sure you're not invisible

**DarkStalker666:** I am.

**Matsuda Touta**: Wait, why am I feeling sorry for you? You spied on our conversation!

**Matsuda Touta**: You're not L, are you?

**DarkStalker666: **No.

**Matsuda Touta**: You sure about that?

**DarkStalker666: **Pretty sure.

**DarkStalker666: **Would you mind buying me

_Matsuda Touta has left the chatroom_

**DarkStalker666: **some apples?

* * *

_**VGJeyll: Saturday 4 December 2010 -** Originally I just had them send their mail to each other, but chat-format works better for this chapter. I hope the site doesn't mind. It didn't turn out as funny as it was in my mind and I don't know why L has become so perverted. Okay, now I have to choose the next idea too use. There are so many...  
_


	23. Sandcastle

_Dear Kira,_

_It has been silent lately._

_Where are you?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Hawaii on vacation.**

**Sincerely**

**Kira**

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_I don't believe you._

_L

* * *

_

**Dear L,**

**Too bad.**

**Sincerely**

**Kira**

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_Is that why you stopped killing?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**No, I just wanted to give you something to get excited and anxious about.**

**Did it work?**

**Sincerely,**

**Kira

* * *

**

_Dear Kira,_

_No._

_L

* * *

_

**Dear L,**

**You are a lier.**

**Sincerely**

**Kira**

**PS: Just because you seemed so sad about it. I killed someone in Japan for you. Happy?

* * *

**

_Dear Kira,_

_Who?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You're the all powerful great detective L! Go figure it out yourself.  
Now leave me alone, I'm trying to get a tan and still have to figure out how I can get rid of that annoying tourist.  
Seriously? Why is he digging a hole? Damn sand gets everywhere.**

**Sincerely**

**Kira

* * *

**

_Dear Raito,_

_Where are you right now?_

_L

* * *

_

_**Dear L,**_

_**I'm in Kyoto with my father, as you should know.**_

_**Raito

* * *

**_

_Dear Watari,_

_Do we have intelligence on situations in Hawaii?  
I need to know if a tourist was or is going to be found death on the beach._

_Also, did a public figure in Japan die recently of a heart attack?  
Kira thinks it substitutes as a message._

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
So far no deaths in Hawaii are mentioned.  
And all public figures have been accounted for.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Not even shark attacks?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
No.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Drowning?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
No  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Die of choking on too much sand?_

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
What is it with you L?  
It is almost as if you are wishing that more people would die?  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

… _well..._

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
I have new information.  
Apparently the singer Gackt died today during his concert.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_What? Gacchan died?  
NOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_L_

* * *

Dear Watari,  
Do you know why L locked himself up in his room?  
Matsuda

* * *

Dear Matsuda,  
It seems to be a misunderstanding.  
I shall correct this immediately.  
Watari

* * *

Dear L,  
It was a false alarm.  
Gackt is doing his vampire-routine again.  
Watari

* * *

Dear Watari,  
Does L like Gackt?  
It seems like he has his songs on his Ipod and he keeps singing along... loudly and badly.  
Matsuda

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I made a sand castle for you.**

**Attached you can find the photo.**

**Kira**

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

_Why is there a leg sticking out of that castle?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I think you're missing me, so I'll be returning to Japan soon.**

**Don't wait up for me!**

**Kira

* * *

**

_Kira,_

_Who in Japan did you kill?_

_L_

* * *

_Kira,_

_Dammit! Tell me!_

_L

* * *

_

_KIRA!_

L

* * *

**Dear L,**

**It was a joke.  
Jeesh, I thought you'd be happy with my vacation, but no. It is never good enough.**

**You want me to go on a killing spree, don't ya?  
Shall I oblige you?**

**Kira**

* * *

_Dear Kira,_

… _please drown and get eaten by sharks._

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
I got intelligence about a strange death near Hawaii.  
A tourist was found, well parts of him were found, as he seemed to be ripped to sheds by sharks. They found his torso quite intact though. The strange thing about it was that his lungs were filled with sand.  
I hope you're happy with this news.  
Watari

* * *

D_amn you Kira,_

_L

* * *

_

_**VGJekyll: Sunday 19 december 2010- **So, can you guess where the tourist was from? I was wondering, you people do know that each chapter stands on it's own and it doesn't really have a chronological order, do you? Just to make sure I don't get angry replies about plot-holes. And if I do get angry replies... I'll just let Kira reply. For that, please leave your full name and a photo. Thank you very much. ^_^ OH! And about '**Chatroom**', Ryuuk's chatname was actually just the first nickname that came to mind. That is all. Wow, I can ramble on like a-um-like a rambling person! Don't I?_


	24. Playing Games

Dear Matt,

I broke your record.

Near

* * *

Dear Near,

You're sitting across of me: why the Hell are you writing an e-mail about it?

Matt

ps: which?

* * *

Dear Matt,

It is two now. Your Tetris record on the Gameboy and Super Mario Bro's on NES.

Near

* * *

Near,

My Tetris one? What the fuck was your score?

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

999999 points at level 22.

Near

* * *

Near,

You're lying! That's impossible!

Matt

* * *

Near,

Wait, we still have a Nintendo somewhere?  
Okay! I challenge you! Donkey Kong! You up for it?

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Bring it on.

Near

* * *

Dear Watari,

Apparently Near and Matt have found your old Nintendo in the attic. They started a contest about who can break the most records, or keep them in Matt's case. Little Jenny is actually making bets and there are fights breaking out about the results. Oh, how I loathe children.  
When are you returning to England?

Roger

* * *

Dear Roger,  
Considering that L seems more interested in the Gameboy Color he purchased after receiving an e-mail from Matt.  
I seriously wonder if I'll ever return.  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_When will you finally evolve?_

_L_

* * *

_**L,**_

_**Um, what?**_

_**Raito**_

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I give you all my love and care, so why don't you listen to me?_

_Don't I have enough badges?_

_L_

* * *

_**L,**_

_**I really don't know what you are talking about, but it's probably something creepy.**_

_**Raito**_

* * *

Dear Raito,

Do you know why L keeps yelling 'Matsuda, do your scratch attack.'?

Matsuda

* * *

_**Dear Matsuda,**_

_**I seriously don't understand that man.**_

_**Raito**_

* * *

Dear Matt,

Gotta catch 'em all.

L

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Wednesday 22 December 2010 **This is most random. The sad thing is... I'm actually playing Pokemon Blue on the GameBoy again, and my character's name is L while my rival is called Light.I have a Jigglipuff named Matsuda and the other pokemon are named after my friends, so when I'm near them, they keep wondering why I keep ordering them to attack._


	25. Crossplay

_Dear Raito,_

_Did you know that when you bite in a Jamaican Rum Bean, you mouth first fills up with this really strong Rum and that it's really hard to keep a straight face cause it tastes so damn bad, but then, once you've swallowed it, you finally taste the chocolate and there's something crunchy and then you think 'Hey, that wasn't that bad, I think I'll take another one.' And then it starts all over again!_

_Just thought you'd like to know._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Thanks for sharing that most important information.  
Now, do you know anything about the guy found dead near the International Exhibition Center?**

**Raito**

* * *

Dear Raito,

The one in drag?

L

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I believe they call it Crossplay.  
Was it Kira or did they find another cause of death?  
**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_I believe he did in fact have a heart-attack, though the police is still investigating if there could have been something that triggered it. Apparently hyperventilations and fainting are usual things to happen to con-goers._

_Btw, wasn't Misa-chan there for a fan-session concerning her being a voice actress in that animé about aliens?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Misa-chan was indeed there. She told me that during the time of the guy's death, she was actually in a conversation with a fanfiction-writer of whom she's apparently a fan. I checked and it is true, so scrap her off your Could-Be-Kira-List already.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_She is still reading fanfics? About what?_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Gay fanfiction about characters from anime series that are in my opinion too young to even think about having sex.  
Although she calls it Homoerotic Literature.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Now that I think about it, weren't you writing a fanfic too?_

_What happened to you story? I never catch you writing on it anymore._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I got banned from the site for being over explicitly gory and crude.**

**Apparently younger readers were getting nightmares.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_You do realize that this works negatively for you when it comes about your status as Kira-suspect.  
_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You'll never change your mind about me being Kira, so why bother.**

**Raito**

**ps: Will you leave me a rum bean? I'd love to try it.**

* * *

_WATARI,_

_RAITO HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY AN ALIEN!  
WHAT CAN WE DO?_

_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Saturday 29 January 2011 –** The first message was actually word for word what I wrote to my friends. I thought it would fit L. I am waiting for someone to pick me up to go to mentioned friends, but I have no idea when she is coming and am bored out of my mind, so anything is funny right now. The tourist from 'Sandcastle' was German btw. The title of this one is surprisingly misleading, isn't it?  
_


	26. Whodunnit

I know who did it! I fucking rock!

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Done what?

Near

* * *

Near,

WTF are you answering me for?  
I send that message to Mello!

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

No, you didn't.  
You've send it to everyone in your contact list.

Near

* * *

Near,

No I didn't!

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Yes, you did.

Near

* * *

Dear Matt,

As much as I hate agreeing with that dweeb:  
you did.

Mello

* * *

FUCK!

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

And may I add, you once send that last message to everyone again.

Near

* * *

Dear Matt,

This always happens to you when you get too excited!  
You start pushing the wrong buttons in your haste to get the message across.

Mello

* * *

Dear Mello,

Well, when you get excited I always end up bruised and sore, so booya!  
My bad habit isn't as bad as yours!

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

Near starts to chew on his hair, his UNWASHED hair might I add.  
So he's got the worst habit out of us.

Mello

* * *

Dear Matt & Mello,

Why am I still in on this conversation? You took all the others out of it.

Near

* * *

Near,

Because we like to fuck with you.

Matt

* * *

Near,

Because you suck.

Mello

* * *

Near,

Not in that combination of course.  
We do have some taste.

Matt

* * *

Dear L,

Your perversion has contaminated Matt and Mello and I do not feel inclined to keep receiving such comments.  
Please make them stop.

Near

ps: Or else.

* * *

_Dear M&M,_

_Stop harassing Near: he knows too many ways to pay you back, not to mention all the blackmail he has collected over the years.  
I can't help feel a bit proud about that, after all, I taught him..._

_btw: what were those messages about? Are you working on a mock-case?_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Sorta. We are playing online Cluedo. Anyway:  
It was Reverend Green with the Candlestick in the Kitchen.

Right Mello? You gonna check?

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

That can't be; there is no Candlestick.

Mello

* * *

Mello,

WHAT! There was one! Why did it turn into a book?  
Someone must have hacked the game! Wtf is going on?

Matt

* * *

Dear Matt,

I dunno, one of the character's names has also changed into Death God.  
What is going on? Is there a glitch in the game?

Mello

* * *

Dear Mello,

The whole game has changed... name's, items, places.  
This sucks!

Matt

* * *

**Dear L,**

Please join me in the Kitchen and bring the Handcuffs.

Raito

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Wednesday 2 february 2011 –** I should be cleaning the house right now. I was browsing through my story and also the reviews and I now got a smile plastered onto my face. You all make me so happy, and I've never been confessed and proposed too as much as here. Say, wouldn't it be cool to have a real DeathNote Cluedo game? I am turning Matt into a potty-mouthed brat, no idea if he's really like that, but who cares.  
_


	27. Farenheit

_Dear Roger,_

_This is an emergency.  
__Watari is very ill, he keeps on coughing and sneezing.  
__What do I do?_

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
It sounds like he has the flu.  
You should check his temperature.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Check your temperature!_

_L

* * *

_

_Dear Watari,_

_Check your e-mail!_

_L

* * *

_

_Dear Roger,_

_I can't make him check his temperature: he doesn't check his e-mail._

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
Then get up from your chair, go to wherever he is and bring him a thermometer.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_But if I get close to him, he can contaminate me.  
And I can't afford to get ill: lives are depending on me._

_L

* * *

_

Dear L,  
You're a spoiled brat.  
Do you know how many times Watari has taken care of ill children, including you, at the orphanage?  
Now go to him in person!  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger._

_Okay._

_L

* * *

_

_Dear Roger,_

His temperature reads 1_03 °F.  
He also complains he feels dizzy, has a headache and nausea.  
He has a bit of a flushed face._

L

* * *

Dear L,  
That is the flu alright.  
What he needs now is rest, give him plenty of fluids to drink, and acquire medication that relieves the symptoms at the apothecary.  
Roger

* * *

_Dear Roger,_

_Thank you. I'm sure Matsuda will be kind enough to buy medication._

_I somehow can't get him to buy me cakes anymore though.  
Wait, who will now buy my cakes if Watari can't?_

L

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

I seriously need you to buy me something important.  
Lives depend on it.

_L

* * *

_

_Dear Soichiro,_

_Why does Raito not answer his messages?  
L

* * *

_

Dear L,

He is currently ill at home. He has the flu.

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

_Dear Soichiro,_

_I'm sorry to tell you that your son is a murderer._

L

* * *

L,

What?

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

_Dear Soichiro,_

_He has infected Watari with his germs and now he shall die from it!_

L

* * *

Dear L,

You do realize that the flu is easily cured in our society?

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_GET BETTER RIGHT NOW!_

L

* * *

_Dear Soichiro,_

_That is besides the point._

L

* * *

Dear Team,

Until further notice, L will be unavailable.

Matsuda

* * *

Dear Matsuda,

Does he have the flu to?

Mogi

* * *

Dear Mogi,

No: Sugar deprivation.

Matsuda

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Friday 18 March 2011**_ – _PhoenixFlame__ gave me a review with the question what would happen if Watari got the flu. And now I'm at home with a cold... besides that, it cracks me up to hear about people getting in trouble at work/school/or with people around them because of their reaction on this fic. Simply because at first when I wrote it at work, I got in trouble for it too._


	28. Pills

Hey Guys,

Did L also make you choose between a blue and red pill?

Matsuda

* * *

Dear Matsuda,

Yes. L held them in front of me and said I had to make a split decision.  
I did not know he was still investigating the team.

Mogi

* * *

Dear Matsuda,

What did you do?

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

Dear Yagami-san,

I couldn't choose so I took both.  
Then L said that I was going to die from it.

Matsuda

* * *

Dear Matsuda,

You realize that they were only skittles, right?

Mogi

* * *

Dear Mogi,

Yeah, how dumb do you think I am?  
They tasted so chemical: they had to be skittles.

Matsuda

* * *

Dear Team,

So the true question: blue or red.  
What is the right choice?

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

Dear Team,

Blue seems like a safe option, as red is always associated with hate and danger.

Mogi

* * *

Dear Team,

Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?

Matsuda

* * *

Dear Team,

Do you suppose it is a way of L to find out if Kira is amongst us?

Yagami Soichiro

* * *

Dear Raito,

What did you answer?

Mogi

* * *

Dear Team,

Red. L has it from an American movie:  
Blue is to stay ignorant.  
Red to find out the truth.

Raito

* * *

Dear L,  
Why did you ask people to choose between two skittles?  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,  
_  
_As you know,  
I absolutely hate the way the red and blue one taste.  
_  
_L_

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Tuesday 22 march 2011 **__– According to the doc I have the flu(I thought it was a really bad cold, so even L is better in catching the symptoms than I am) and I got a throat infection so I got some antibiotics. The pills are large, yellow and black. It makes me think of radiation signs. Hmm... _


	29. Deduction

_Dear Sherlock,_

What's new?

L

* * *

Dear L,

Haven't heard of you in a while: thought you might be dead.  
Am bored. You got something interesting?

SH

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

Still stuck on Kira case.  
Still think it's Yagami Raito.

L

* * *

Dear L,

Suspecting the only person you've ever considered to be your friend.  
How clever.

SH

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

I've read the blog of Dr. John H. Watson. Maybe you should mention to him it is not a smart idea to just randomly shout out to the world in what street you're living, nor your real names.  
He actually placed photographs of you both online! Doesn't he realize how incredibly dumb that is!

L

* * *

Dear L,

He has his moments.  
Is this concern for my well being that I am detecting?

SH

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

_I consider you my friend, not only my colleague.  
It is just that Kira can kill worldwide with only the use of a name and a face._

L

* * *

Dear L,

I find that inconceivable.  
There must be a logical explanation that does not involve supernatural powers.

SH

* * *

_Dear SH,_

_What if there isn't?_

L

* * *

Dear L,

There must be.  
What about that apple thing you mentioned?  
'Did you know that Shinigami only eat red apples.'  
Could it be poison?

SH

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

No. No evidence.  
I need sugar.

L

* * *

Dear L,

Food muddles the mind.  
I need to leave right now and I might not return. I reckon there's a very large chance I will not survive.  
If so, I'll make sure all of my ongoing cases are forwarded to you. Or rather to 'Deneuve'.  
And it does not make a difference, but I do consider you my friend too.

SH

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

_Does this have to do with the Bruce-Partington plans that were stolen?_

L

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

_This could be a plot of Moriarty!_

L

* * *

Dear Sherlock,

_Be careful._

L

* * *

_**VGJekyll: **So um, not funny but I am kinda obsessed with BBC's Sherlock right now, so it made me very happy to write this. They are actual sites: 'The blog of Dr. John H. Watson' & 'The Science of Deduction'. And I'll leave a very long review for anyone who writes a Sherlock/Deathnote crossover! _


	30. Doc

Dear L,  
How do you feel now?  
Watari

* * *

_Dear Watari,_

_Still in pain._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Perhaps it's time to meet a doctor.

Watari

* * *

_Watari,_

_No._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,

Too late: I already made an appointment for you.  
He will expect you at three 'o clock today.

Watari

* * *

Dear Raito,

Will you please accompany L to the doctor today?  
I would do it myself, were it not for the fact that I am to meet an informant.

The appointment is at 3 'o clock with doctor Haruka Nishikikōji.

Watari

* * *

**Dear Watari,**

**No problem at all. I will gladly be his emotional support**

Raito

* * *

****  
**Dear L**

Aw, does widdle biddle L have a ickle boo boo?  
You know they have this large needle they stick in your stomach to suck out all the stuff that makes you ill: namely the junk you ingest every day. Imagine all those tons of sugar they can take out of your body; they might be able to feed a third world country with it.

**Raito**

* * *

_Raito,_

_I HATE YOU. _

_And I'm not going._

_I feel fine._

L

* * *

**Dear L,**

Is that so?  
Hm, so the fact that you haven't touched that plate of cookies right next to you is because...?

Raito

* * *

_Raito,_

Die.

L

* * *

**L,**

**It is time.**

Raito

* * *

_Raito,_

NOT GOING!

L

* * *

Dear Watari-san,

You had not warned me that I would receive two patients.

I gave L painkillers for his sprained wrist and salve for the bruises. I also gave him treatment for his stomach pains. He somehow didn't want me to tell you or his companion what it is, and I do have patient confidentiality.

I also fixed mister Yagami's nose and I'm afraid he will have to wear a sling for a while.

Sincerely,

Haruka Nishikikōji

* * *

_**VGJekyll: September 2011 – **__So, the requests about L Cross dressing: ain't happening. Sorry to disappoint, but I can't see him doing that. He might try to get Raito to wear a nurse outfit though. Hmm... Went to the doc today, got new migraine pills, still got a headache though, which explains the non-funnyness of this one. I can't remember if I told this already, but for those of you who like pervy L, go to '__Whitedog1' her gallery on Deviantart._


	31. Cupcakes

Dear Mister L,

We are sorry to inform you that you have not been accepted to the online Academy of Cupcake Baking.

While it is usually not our policy to reject applicants, we have been warned in advance by a certain Mister Wammy, that he would sue us if we were to accept your application.

We did of course ask for his relation to you and his reasons why. He mentioned some fire related accidents and even included some photos which, he claimed, were results of you trying to cook.

Therefore we hope you are able to find someone else willing to apply for the online Academy of Cupcake Baking to make cupcakes for you instead. Perhaps your girlfriend?

Sincerely,

**Misaki Shima**  
Treasurer of the online Academy of Cupcake Baking

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Friday 25 november 2011**_– _Short and simple. I'm doin__g NaNoWriMo (got 36,107 words now, so I'm quite behind on schedule)__ and this was really just to write something different for a moment. Oh, someone approached me about translating 'Dear L' into Chinese. I never expected that people really would like it this much. It's almost hilarious. Oh I promise you all a very long X-mas related chapter in December! Cross my heart and hope to choke on a lot of candy!_


	32. Christmas Special: NaughtyNice List

**THE DEAR L CHRISTMAS SPECIAL – THE NAUGHTY/NICE LIST**

* * *

_To All of You,_

_Who drank all the bloody sherry?_  
_There shall be repercussions for who did!_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
I dunno. Was it yours? Hey, I didn't know you liked sherry!  
I thought you didn't like it anymore after that time that you ate all those cherry chocolates.  
Was I wrong?  
Matsuda

* * *

_To All of You,_

_It was supposed to be for Santa Claus! Now what am I supposed to give him?_  
_I can't just give him only mince pies, he will think I forgot the sherry and might even throw me on the naughty-list!_

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
You're originally from the UK, right?  
Does everyone there give Santa sherry and mince pies?  
Matsuda

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You actually still believe in Santa Claus?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito(and others),_

_Of course I believe in someone who is scientifically proven to be real._

_L_

* * *

Dear L,  
We just give him milk and mochi here.  
Matsuda

* * *

**Dear L,**

**You can't really believe in Santa Claus!**  
**I mean. You're a detective, surely you must realise that logic prevents a jolly bearded fat guy from sliding down chimneys to give billions of children gifts in only one night? It is impossible.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Nothing is impossible. You of all people should know, Kira!_  
_He exists, believe me._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I AM NOT KIRA!**

**Raito**

* * *

**Dear Watari,**

**What's up with L and his fascination with Santa Claus.**  
**Is L for real?**

**Raito**

* * *

Dear Watari,  
Do you have some sherry for L?  
He seems to have misplaced it.  
Matsuda

* * *

Dear Raito and Matsuda,

This is all my fault. When L was six and still at the orphanage, I hired an actor to come bring the presents at night. I thought this was to be the best thing, for even as a child he was very curious and logical. When he fist saw the actor, he immediately thought him to be a fake. He tried to pull the man's beard off, to prove it was fake, and when he realized that one was real, he punched the poor man in the stomach to show it was a fake tummy.

It was not.

L was rather subdued and silent when he was taken away from the poor man and, I am unfortunate to say, he received a piece of coal in his sock the day after. This was thought to be reasonable punishment by the caretaker, just to teach L not to simply attack people, but ask questions first.

This has caused a phobia and he's been rather good after that, so not to receive another coal.

Watari

* * *

Dear Watari,  
Poor L.  
Wait, L is an orphan?  
Matsuda

* * *

**Dear Watari,**

**Are you for real?**  
**And you've never told him?**

**Raito**

* * *

Dear Raito and Matsuda,

I tried, but he wouldn't believe me.  
And please Raito, I know how you and L have been trying to get the better hand on each other lately, but don't try to joke with him about this.

Watari

* * *

**Dear Watari,**

**Now why would I do that?**

**Raito**

* * *

Dear L,  
I'm going to see if I can buy you some sherry! There must be a convenience store nearby who does.  
I'll just try! And maybe Santa will be extra happy if he also gets milk and mochi!  
That way he can choose what he wants to eat and drink.  
Matsuda

* * *

_Dear Matsuda,_

_That is a good idea!_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Now L, just indulge me. What kind of scientific proof is there that Santa Claus is indeed real?  
****I'm not mocking you, I'm just curious about your evidence .**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Oh, I would never expect you to mock me. You are my friend, aren't you?  
It would only be an evil fiend like Kira who would do something like that. But you are, of course, not him._

_Facts:_

_1. NORAD sled tracking, where you can see where Santa Claus is at the moment.  
2. __Letters are addressed to Santa at the North Pole__, Alaska  
3. Letters received by Santa have __postmarks from the North Pole, Alaska.  
4. c__hildren worldwide receive presents. And this is where the interesting part starts. Parents buy gifts too, so that the foot of the Christmas tree doesn't seem too bare, but Santa gives every child a gift. So one of those gifts is indeed from him, while the others are fake Christmas gifts and bought by parents._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I have never received a gift from Santa or anyone at Christmas.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

I cannot claim you were a naughty child, since I have nearly no information about you at that age.  
So it must be that you are not Christian.

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Are you suggesting that only Christians get gifts?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Only if they believe in Santa too._  
_If they don't, then Santa wont give a danm. Less work for him._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**And if I believed he actually existed.**  
**And was a naughty boy, I would receive coal in my socks?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Yes._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L**

**Why?**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_It is a synonym for a heart as coal._  
_If you are a naughty person and you do naughty deeds, those deeds will be reflected on your heart._

_Turning it black, like Kira's. Thus black coal._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**Now tell me this, why do some children get Nintendo's and such from Santa, while others only get small, cheap stuff. Surely that has nothing to do with amount of niceness? Isn't that a bit mean? Does Santa Claus believe in an eye for an eye? How can he judge what is wrong and right.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Re-read point 4 of my explanation please._  
_And besides that, it has to do with what Santa believes you need, not what you think you desire._

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**I don't believe it.**

**Raito**

* * *

_Dear Raito,_

_Just like I don't believe you are not Kira._

_L_

* * *

_Dear Mr Claus,_

_Every time I am astonished by how eager people are to believe in something.  
Even if it is believing that something doesn't exist. I suppose it makes your job easier.  
By the way, just out of curiosity, is Yagami Raito on your naughty-list?  
Sincerely,_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**The naughty/nice lists are confidential, just like you know.**

**And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Santa?**

**Sincerely,  
****Santa**

* * *

_Dear Santa,_

_I can always try, right?  
By the way, you should give Matsuda an extra nice gift this year. Oh and I shall come visit you in the new year, when the rush of the festive celebrations are over. I'd love some chocolate milk with your famous marshmallows. And I believe I still owe you a game of Twister. You beat me too badly last time, I demand a rematch!_

_Sincerely,_

_L_

* * *

**Dear L,**

**And you shall get one!**  
**Oh L, not long from now, I'll be leaving the North Pole for my long trip. Everyone here at the North Pole is very busy preparing for Christmas Eve and I am excited to begin my long journey.**

**I will soon be on my way to visit Wammy's house, though I know you are currently not there, and I will make sure the children have a Merry Christmas indeed. Although it's a long journey, I am looking forward to visiting you in Tokyo this year. I'll make sure to bring your friend Matsuda the gift he's needs.**

**I know that you have been trying to catch Kira this year, and I applaud your efforts. Being a detective sure is tough and you are such a remarkable lad. I wouldn't know what to do in your shoes.**

**You're welcome to come to the North Pole whenever it suits you, just make sureto dress warmly or you'll get the flu again. We don't want that happening now, do we?**

**Merry Christmas and Warmest Wishes!**  
**Santa**

* * *

_**VGJekyll: Monday 26 December 2011**__– So I was ill, on Christmas (and actually still am a little right now). That is actually why this one is late. My apologies, but I do hope everyone else had an awesome day. And Santa got me something I really needed: a keyboard for my tablet. Writing is gonna be so easy now._

_MERRY (belated) CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!  
_


End file.
